SEATTLE SONGS

All lyrics copyright 2005 Joseph Anderson

OLD TACOMA

O-o-o-o-ld Tacoma

Where the smell came pouring from the mills

And the guns of gangs used to crash and bang

Up and down the crack-infested hills!

N-e-e-e-e-w Tacoma

Where Chihuly cooks up fancy glass

And the local cops without legal stops

Can now kick gang-bangers in the ass!

The gentry is moving on in

And the old-timers ain't gonna win

We used to say

Pew! It's a Tacoma day!

But now we're saying

We really miss old Tacoma

New Tacoma: go 'way!

Old Tacoma was a rusty dirty run-down joke

Where the trees that were best in the great Northwest

All went up in the putrid smoke.

New Tacoma is a civic wonder so they say

All the tourists gawk at the glass bridge walk

In a boring New Tacoma way

The museums all look so fine

But that don't mean I ain't gonna pine

We used to say
Pew! It's a Tacoma day!
But now we're saying
We really miss old Tacoma

Old Tacoma, W-A--

T-A-C-O-M-A, W-A.

CLIMB COUGAR MOUNTAIN ("Climb Every Mountain")

Climb Cougar Mountain

Hike up Mount Si

Rainier's summit calls you

C'mon don't be shy.

Climb the North Cascades

Bag every peak

Until you achieve that

Mountaineers mystique

A mystique that will make

Your friends' exploits seem pale

As they cycle along

On the Burke-Gilman Trail.

Climb Annapurna

Everest too

If you never come down

We'll drink a toast to you.

IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE RINGS ("Just One of Those Things")

It was just one of those Rings

Just one of those Wagnerian flings

One of those shows where the fat lady sings

Just one those Rings

It was just four of those nights

Twenty-two hours of Teutonic frights

Overblown brass and annoying strings

Just one those Rings

I got so darn sick of that leitmotif

About the dude with the spear.

If I'd had some sense when I left the house

I'd have stuck some wax in each ear.

That cycle gave me the blues

Six hundred eighty bucks I did lose

It wasn't no fun

'Cause it was just one of those Rings.

It was just one of those Rings

Bosomy girls with helmets and wings

Brothers and sisters doing bad things

Just one those Rings

It was just too many nights

I'd rather watch ballet dancers in tights

Or sleep on a sofa with broken springs

Just one those Rings

By the time I hit Gotterdammerung

I was ready to jump off a cliff.

After swirling around in that chaotic sound

I'd barf if I heard one more riff.

That Wagner sure is bad news

I gotta go out and get blasted on booze

That would be more fun

Than hearing just one of those Rings.

ESPRESSO ("Maria" - West Side Story)

The most beautiful drink I ever got

Espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso

All my somnolent nerves got a jolt in a single shot

Espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso espresso...

Espresso, I've just had a shot of espresso

It was so dark and thick, my heart now starts to tick loudly.

Espresso, my barrista gave me espresso

And as you might surmise my eyes are twice their normal size.

Espresso: drink one shot and you're picking flowers

Drink two shots--you won't come down for hours

Espresso, I'll never stop drinking espresso

Espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso, espresso...

Espresso--so much better than chewin' coca.

Though some folks might prefer a mocha,

Espresso, I'll never stop drinking espresso.

I could stop any time, but today I'm not.

Espresso.

PAUL ALLEN ("Barbara Allen")

In Seattle where I was born

There was a fat cat dwelling

Made every citizen fund his dreams

His name it was Paul Allen.

He helped to write some software code

Back when his beard was swelling

Now Bill is helping the sick and poor

That's no fun for Paul Allen.

Paul built a strange monstrosity

For Jimi and Bob Dylan

The architect was on LSD

His pusher was Paul Allen.

You might not be a football fan

Or even like their yelling

Surprise--you bought a new stadium

All thanks to good Paul Allen

Now South Lake Union gets a park

And many a condo dwelling

The Vulcans aren't just a Star Trek foe

They're funded by Paul Allen.

In D.C. there are many crooks

And CIA leaks spillin'

But here in the other Washington

Corruption's named "Paul Allen".

BALLARD ("Bad Girl" - Smokey Robinson)

I moved to Ballard because

It was low-key

Rents practically free

But now old Ballard has changed

It's so trendy

Back then old Ballard was meant

For retirees

Norwegians and Swedes

But now in Ballard

There's nothing but yuppies.

There used to be nothing there

But fifties memories

But now there's artwalks and

Trendy galleries

And my only wish is that

I wish I could make the Ballard changes cease

But I'm still in Ballard because

Now I've got property

A lot of equity

Oh yes in Ballard I'm becoming

One of the gentry,

A dreaded yuppie,

Upscale's coming to me.

GROOVY KIND OF GRUNGE

If your jeans are dirty

And your shirt is plaid

If you love Nirvana

And think Mudhoney's rad

You hang out in the park

To sarcastically remark

About the latest sellout mainstream star.

Worshippin' Cobain

And shootin' heroin

You got a groovy kind of grunge.

So you're filled with angst

You've got suburban rage

You're writing morbid songs,

And like jumpin' from the stage

While you wag your hair-mop

You're dreamin' deals with Sub Pop

To launch an alternative career

Just don't wash your hair

You're gonna be a star

You got a groovy kind of grunge.

GUESS YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE ("Let's Call the Whole Thing Off")

You say DuwAAmish

And I say DuwAHmish

I say SammAAmish

You think it's SammAHmish

DuwAAmish, DuwAHmish

SammAAmish, SammAHmish

Guess you're not from around here.

I live in Ballard

You say it's Bal-LARD

Please stop saying Se-quim

Like you're a re-TARD

Northwest placenames

Really are just fun games

To make the locals all sneer.

'Cause if you insist on talking like some kind of dork

We'll know that you're from California or New York

So don't say Pu-ya-llup

Puyallup's the way

MedEEna is Muslim

MedIEna's OK

Puy-all-up, MedEEna, SEE-attle, WARSHington

You must not be from round here

Me? I moved here last year.