Library Carrels

LIBRARY CHRISTMAS CARRELS

Banning Claus ("Santa Claus is Coming to Town")

You better watch out, take care what you read

Some of those books are naughty indeed

Banning Claus is coming to town.

He's making a list of deviant texts

Evolution, degenerate sex

Banning Claus is coming to town.

He sees you when you check 'em out

And when you turn 'em in

Ever since they passed the Patriot Act

He has got a great big grin.

So...keep a close eye on the books on your shelf

Better not cross that jolly old elf

Banning Claus is coming to town.

He's calling every girl and boy

To build a Yuletide fire:

Bring along James Joyce, Al Franken--

Help him make the flames go higher!

So...better read books that are boring and stale

Anything else will land you in jail

Banning Claus is coming to town.

The Library Christmas Song ("Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire")

Checking out a stack of Christmas books

Or a holiday CD

Bringing home "It's a Wonderful Life"

On VHS or DVD

From your library

And if you need some good info

Just ask your librarian elf,

Whether it's lodged in the depths of the net

Or on some dusty back-room shelf.

You might need turkey recipes from Spain

Or good advice on fixing Junior's new toy train

And even Santa's dropping by

Because he wants to know just how reindeer can fly.

You know the winter snow will disappear

And Christmas gravy turns to lard

There's only one gift that will last through the year

It's your library card.

My Library ("White Christmas")

I'm visiting my library

That public place I like to go

Where free education

Informs our nation

Outside the corporate cash flow.

I'm visiting my library

And hope you're visiting it too

May it give you_an enlightened view--

And may none of_your books be overdue.

Read a Book for Christmas ("I'll Be Home for Christmas")

Read a book for Christmas

Turn off your PC

Junk your pod, free up your bod,

Relax non-virtually.

Batteries aren't needed

Nor a wifi hub

Read a book for Christmas

And join the retro club.

Read a book for Christmas

Cuddle it in bed

No silicon, no "off", no "on"

Just good food for your head.

Books are more heart-warming

Than new-fangled gear

Read a book for Christmas

Before books disappear.

Nancy the Nerd Librarian ("Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")

Nancy the Nerd Librarian

Had some glasses that were thick

And if you tried to wear them

They would really make you sick.

All of the other librarians

Used to laugh at Nancy's frames

They never let poor Nancy

Join their cataloging games.

Then one quiet libr'ry day

A patron came to say,

"Nancy with your lenses strong

Is this fine print right or wrong?"

Then the librarians loved her

And they shouted out "Woo hoo!

We're going to get thick glasses

So that we can read like you!"

The Twelve Days of PoMo-mas (Library Version)

On the first day of Christmas Seattle gave to me

A postmodern new library.

On the second day of Christmas Seattle gave to me

Too many angles

At the postmodern new library

[etc.]

On the twelfth day of Christmas Seattle gave to me

Twelve dangerous dropoffs

Eleven chartreuse bathrooms

Ten wandering patrons

Nine dead-end stairways

Eight sorting robots

Seven high-tech pagers

Six taped-up signs

Five artsy things

Four critics' blessings

Three blinking eyes

Too many angles

At the postmodern new library.

Silent Stacks

Silent stacks, holy stacks

Don't make jokes or wisecracks

Silent patrons go tiptoing by

Silent librarians keep watchful eye

Keep the scholarly hush

Or we'll respond with a "shush".

Silent stacks, holy stacks

Please don't chew noisy snacks

If a passionate novel you've found

Just make sure that your heart doesn't pound

If a sound comes to our ear

We'll kick your ass out of here.